Sketches inspired by Locust Floral arrangements.
Sketches inspired by Locust Floral arrangements.
I’ve been thinking about the aloneness I’ve experienced this month being in isolation for the whole month of December, a month that is usually full of gathering and parties and general merriment. I have suffered from many tortured, nonsensical thoughts of what I did to deserve this, and then followed closely on its heels is a question of “maybe I might prefer this... maybe I should put my heart…
“I just been wondering lately why things happen the way they do.”
“Oh!” he said, then I’m glad you have some time to spare. I’ve been wondering about that more or less my whole life.
I’ve been rereading, for the third or fourth time, one of my favorite novels, “Gilead” by Marilynne Robinson. I first heard of Gilead from my friend Kevin who is an avid reader, thinker, and writer himself; and, in…
Sitting by a fire might be the very thing that gets me through a pandemic winter. I suppose there's something therapeutic in it that I really can't help, something built into my very psyche that draws me to sit by a fire, for the warmth, yes, and for the mesmerizing quality of the flames. It seems that this would be the ideal time of life to discover all the therapeutic activities one could find…
I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she said “who of us doesn’t feel like we need medication this year?!” Maybe just something cute, like a sedative, to knock me out til Christmas Day? Of course, I’m kidding. Right? I mean, I think so. 2020 has been a b***h. I don’t usually cuss, but that’s what 2020 has done to me. You may or may not have had a similar experience.
I hope that they feel deeply connected to nature; that they belong on this earth, they belong in this family, they belong in their body. I hope they feel safe to explore all the tiny, loud, scary, fragile bits of their insides that God created. I hope they know that they matter, truly; their thoughts matter, their feelings matter, and so do those of the person next to them, and the person on the…
The night before my mom died my whole family was sitting on and around her bed, listening to her breathe, and singing every song we knew. And, if you know our family and how we had a bluegrass gospel band for twenty years, you know that’s a whole lot of songs. It was a glorious time, I loved picturing her walking into heaven with the sounds of her children singing. Singing, the thing she taught us…
Grief is a wild beast, there’s no telling where it’ll take you, there’s no telling where you’ve been, because there are literally no words for it. There are certain things humans like to explain, to try to make sense of, but there are some experiences that are so deep you can only explain what’s around it, you can’t get to the heart of what it really is. Grief is like that to me. It’s multi…
I started wondering today as I lay on the floor doing a nice post-workout spinal twist if anyone has ever considered starting a sweat charity. Gathering up sweat for those in need... of sweat. For those who can't sweat themselves. Anyway... I think I could be a regular contributor.
We went on a backpacking trip recently, and lest the breathtaking photos lead you astray, I’m going to lay down the deets of truly what went down.
First of all, we went to Colorado which is 13 hours from our house, and since we conveniently have a brother living about a third of the distance from here to there we split the trip into two days. We left quite early in the morning but still didn't…
There’s been a strange phenomenon happening inside of my head since my mom died that feels like I’ve been transported back several years. And I think about her and how young she was and it seems so impossible that her body wasted away already. She was only 55 years old, how did her body quit? My parents were always the young and fit, cool parents, everyone thought so, including me. They still…
It cracks me up when I'm reading a self-help book that follows all the self-help guidelines, including Coining A Term, and they spend the first several pages explaining why they're not another self-help book. You can't just say things.
I’m reading “Mastering Your Mean Girl” by Melissa Ambrosini, and yes, it’s a self-help book. I saw an interview with her recently and she was so bright and cheerful…
I looked up the stages of grief today. There are only five, which remarkably doesn’t seem like a lot to go through. I couldn’t really identify which one I’m in, or really if I’d started going through them yet at all, or if it’s possible that I just went straight to depression.
Not that I’m depressed per se, I don’t think I’d describe it in that way, however, it may not be that far from the truth…
It was the fatal flaw of humanity which Nature, in one shape or another, stamps ineffaceably on all her productions, either to imply that they are temporary and finite, or that their perfection must be wrought by toil and pain.
– Nathaniel Hawthorne
Pain is terrible, but surely you need not have fear as well? Can you not see death as the friend and deliverer? It means stripping off that body which is tormenting you: like taking off a hair-shirt or getting out of a dungeon. What is there to be afraid of?
– C.S. Lewis
Last night Adam woke me up with a deep sigh. This sigh, mind you, was not just a casual exhalation of breath but rather one of those completely loaded with frustration. Immediately I asked him if he was OK. He was very slow to respond at which point it crossed my mind this fellow was still asleep.
Me: "Adam? Are you alright?"
Adam: ... (Each ... equates about a 10 second pause)
Adam: ... "Yeah, I'm just looking for something."
Me: "What are you looking for?"
Adam: ... "Umm." (At this juncture I noticed he was patting around his pillow and around the side of the bed.)
Me: "Adam, What are you looking for?"
I interviewed a woman who is terminally ill. "So," I tried to delicately ask, "What is it like to wake up every morning and know that you are dying?" "Well," she responded, "What is it like to wake up every morning and pretend that you are not?"
At some thoughts one stands perplexed, especially at the sight of men's sin, and wonders whether one should use force or humble love. Always decide to use humble love. If you resolve on that once for all, you may subdue the whole world. Loving humility is marvelously strong, the strongest of all things, and there is nothing else like it.
– Fyodor Dostoevsky, the Brothers Karamazov
For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people…
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.
– Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.
– Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird
A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one’s neighbor — such is my idea of happiness.
– Leo Tolstoy
We are always falling in love or quarreling, looking for jobs or fearing to lose them, getting ill and recovering, following public affairs. If we let ourselves, we shall always be waiting for some distraction or other to end before we can really get down to our work. The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still…
Would to God these blessed calms would last. But the mingled, mingling threads of life are woven by warp and woof: calms crossed by storms, a storm for every calm.
Yes, we were now in that enchanted calm which they say lurks at the heart of every commotion.
– Herman Melville
Sometimes I get the impression I might be a different person, that one time—while I was sleeping—someone slipped in and switched out my brain. I know my body is the same, it still bears the scars of my childhood; but my mind is calmer, less haunted, more answered. Who would’ve done something like that? There are not many people who have access to my brain. And even less who have access coupled…
A gentle spirit may express itself in the rude words of illiteracy; it is not therefore rude. Ruffianism may speak the language of learning or religion; it is ruffianism still. Strength may wear the garb of weakness, and still be strong; and a weakling may carry the weapons of strength, but fight with a faint heart."
It does seem to me, that herein we see the rare virture of a strong individual vitality, and the rare virtue of thick walls, and the rare virtue of interior spaciousness. Oh, man! admire and model thyself after the whale! Do thou, too, remain warm among ice. Do thou, too, live in this world without being of it. Be cool at the equator; keep thy blood fluid at the Pole. Like the great dome of St…
In discussing with Adam how to properly use the phrase "in lieu of", he countered me by asking if this was a proper sentence:
Adam: “So I would say ‘I replaced jQuery-throttle-debounce in lieu of Underscore throttle and debounce’?”
Me: "... Umm..."
Recently, my brother requested I do a painting for his office. I hadn't painted much in the past year or so, but how many times in your lifetime does someone ask you for a painting? Not many, in my experience, thus, I consented. This is the final piece.
There are certain movements in melodies and voices that will bring tears to my eyes. I’ve never quite figured out what it is exactly—it seems that it normally happens the first few times of hearing it, sometimes just the first, when the passion and earnestness catches me a bit off guard. It’s a bit like looking into someone’s eyes; sometimes I can look into someone’s eyes and see so very much of…
Yes, there is death in this business of whaling–a speechlessly quick chaotic bundling of a man into Eternity. But what then? Methinks we have hugely mistaken this matter of Life and Death. Methinks that what they call my shadow here on earth is my true substance. Methinks that in looking at things spiritual, we are too much like oysters observing the sun through the water, and thinking that thick…
When something is useful you are attracted to it for what it can bring you or do for you. But if it is beautiful, then you enjoy it simply for what it is.
– Timothy Keller
Bernstein and Danto are testifying to the fact that even though we as secular people believe that beauty and love are just bio-chemical responses, in the presence of great art and beauty we inescapably feel that there is real meaning in life, there is truth and justice that will never let us down, and love means everything... We may, therefore, be secular materialists who believe truth and…
Olivia: We need to take Latin Night away from these people.
Adam: This is why we can't have nice things.
Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on the earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory.
– Colossians 3:1-4
Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
Tomorrow night I'm playing a show with these guys at Kingdom Coffee. Emmett and Audra are my siblings and I play with them whenever it's possible; Kevin Cott I first met when he was a barista at the Hub (now Kingdom Coffee) and we worked there for a short time together, he's a stand-up fellow, thought-provoking, articulate, has good taste, and happens to be a great musician as well. I'm excited…
Can we all participate in a round of applause for the awesome animation of our logo that Adam created? The man is a stud.
There’s a charming little bagelry that opened up on the south side of town, which is really great because most of the great shops are in downtown and they’re just recently opening up some great places on the south side. The south side is where the more-wealthy/less-cool people reside, so you’re kind of torn: such thoughts as, “Well, I don’t feel like I might get mugged down here but… where’s the…
This morning I ate my porridge from a mug because we’ve had a full house all weekend and I wasn’t motivated to stack the dishwasher last night, thus, our eight bowls were dirty. I don’t know how many bowls my mom has in her house but it seems like a lot more than eight. Yet, we never suffer. That’s the thing about conveniences: we always think we need them, but we don’t, they’re just convenient…
Adam and I are in the process of redesigning our blog, and so we have been for a couple of years, this is our sad, sad placeholder. Somehow we always end up extending ourselves in other areas and this blog has the design ethic of a wayward soul. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about.
Every time we sit down to design we have great ideas and they never amount to anything but sketches and pieces…
It is difficult to know sometimes what to write. I love sharing myself; I think in sharing ourselves we’re always encouraging growth of perspective in others and ourselves, otherwise our minds grow rather stagnant and unhealthy. It seems we often think that if our own opinions are quite decided then we are stronger than if we would allow the understanding of other’s perspectives and opinions…
My husband—Adam—is a very smart person. He’s one of those people who you know is smart from first meeting him, not because he’s blathering about some such factoid but because he’s not. And that, my friends, is the tell.
Most of the time when Adam brings up a topic it’s pretty off the charts when it comes to my fully comprehending it. I mean, I’m not unusually dumb, I just think in a completely…
Last night I was chatting with my Grandma Blanche; she’s a beautiful lady, eighty-three years old, I believe, very quiet, easily flustered in conversation, one of the most faithful people I’ve ever known, with a long-suffering, serving heart. I see a lot of my dad in her, but not much of myself, except perhaps in the ‘flustered in conversation’ part. I don’t get to sit and talk with her much…
Every man in his lifetime needs to thank his faults. As no man thoroughly understands a truth until he has contended against it, so no man has a thorough acquaintance with the hindrances or talents of man until he has suffered from the one and seen the triumph of the other over his own want of the same.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
The same dualism underlies the nature and condition of man. Every excess causes a defect; every defect an excess. Every sweet hath its sour; every evil its good. Every faculty which is a receiver of pleasure has an equal penalty put on its abuse. It is to answer for its moderation with its lie. For every grain of wit there is a grain of folly. For every thing you have missed, you have gained…
My youngest niece had her first birthday last week. Unfortunately she was rather grouchy from spending the week sick, and didn’t even thank us for all the trees and cakes but what can you do? Have a good time, of course! All her cousins got to be there with bells on. It was a true celebration of the life of the cutest little girl — even if she’s a bit somber — complete with a topsy-turvy cake and…
We’re all searching for something deeper and more beautiful than what we’ve found. I think it’s really easy to look at people who seemingly have what we are striving for and think that they’ve arrived. With envy in our thirsty hearts we trick ourselves into believing that if we could just be in their situation we’d be quite satisfied, we even think that they are satisfied. The cold, hard truth is…
I found the house amid desolate heathery hills, where the lonely scholar nourished his mighty heart. Carlyle was a man from his youth, an author who did not need to hide from his readers, and as absolute a man of the world, unknown and exiled on that hill-farm, as if holding on his own terms what is best in London. He was tall and gaunt, with a cliff-like brow, self-possessed and holding his…
Ireland: it is mentioned several times a day in our house. It cannot be overstated how beautiful the land of Ireland is. We spent a couple of weeks there last fall and they were some of the most glorious days of my life. I miss it. If you ever find that you can’t find us, we may have slipped back to the crashing waves on the Cliffs of Moher, or the misty Connemara mountains.
The art of progress is to preserve order amid change, and to preserve change amid order.
– Alfred North Whitehead
Few people know how to take a walk. The qualifications are endurance, plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature, good humor, vast curiosity, good speech, good silence and nothing too much.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Airport bathrooms are disgusting. That being said, I’ve been using those plastic-paper toilet seat covers that they offer on the wall, you have to be very ginger with them, mind you. Every time I reach for one I think of my 2 year old niece reaching for one when I took her to the bathroom at the hospital and I remember thinking ‘Really? Your bottom covers a square two inches of the seat.’
Last night was our first night sleeping at home after several nights away in various places. This month is what I like to call ‘Let’s take all our summer trips within 3 weeks!’ month. So we’re not really being at home very much. It’s like I’m in a traveling band or something. Gosh! Who do people think I am?! Actually, the people are Adam and me and we know me, so no worries.
We had a weird…
Adam: happy birthday.
Me: (pulling myself out of slumber) what did you say?
Adam: what did YOU say?
Adam: I think I said happy birthday.
Me: I think so too.
There are short moments in life that truly take my breath away, they transport me out of this shell of flesh and reveal to me who I truly am, my soul belongs with the Father in heaven. It doesn’t happen often, but recently a few instances rocked my world.
The first happened a little less than a month ago. My baby nephew, Levi, lived a very short life during the month of March, after just three…
A good name is better than a good ointment,
And the day of one's death is better than the day of one's birth.
It is better to go to a house of mourning
Than to go to a house of feasting,
Because that is the end of every man,
And the living takes it to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
For when a face is sad a heart may be happy.
The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning,
I’ve stepped off the wagon of blogging (or writing, in general) lately. I go through stages where I despise Americans’ constant need to document, publicize, and validate every activity of our daily lives, until it seems we truly don’t enjoy anything without the attention that might come from it, like a perpetual junior high. The main problem with giving up writing is that I really love writing…
If you are now going to work, to study in order to win a reward, then the work will seem hard to you; but when you work loving your work, you will find your reward in it.
– Leo Tolstoy
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today while rummaging around my computerized documents I ran across some musings of the past. Here’s a look inside my mind when I was about 19 or so, when I thought it was cool to not properly capitalize words.
4.8.08—it is with regrettably truthful admittance that i relay this next sentence. last night it was quite a possible scenario that i poisoned the family. it was absolutely out of sync with…
As you may or may not know, I spent the majority of my life thus far traveling in a band that consisted of my family members. We had some real great times. Real, great times. Here’s one recollection.
4.22.08—adventures and alarms leave me to give you a recount of the happenings of last friday evening. they were no less alarming than they were adventurous, therefore they won’t set in my memory for…
I always thought my parents were so crazy for waking up at 6 am because they ‘just couldn’t sleep anymore’, and look at me now: almost 2 years into marriage and I’m already having trouble sleeping, I don’t even have any kids to think about! Nothing was really bothering me I just slept like a bat last night. A bat at night. Adam always teases me in the morning after I sleep like that because…
When train wheels screech
And plumes of smoke arise
When snowflakes breach
The cold and empty skies
Read to me of wonderers and whims
Of a man who traveled over mountains grim
Of the voices calling him
When billows break
With revelry on stone
When treetops quake
And the ground beneath us groans
Sing to me of wars waged in the night
Of courage true when all hope waned with the light
Of a fallen…
"Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do."
"Let your garments be always white. Let not oil be lacking on your head."
"Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your…
I said, ‘I will guard my ways
That I may not sin with my tongue;
I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle
While the wicked are in my presence.’
I was mute and silent,
I refrained even from good,
And my sorrow grew worse.
My heart was hot within me,
While I was musing the fire burned;
Then I spoke with my tongue:
‘Lord, make me to know my end
And what is the extent of my days;
Let me know how…
Today I’m remarkably thankful for proven love. It seems very likely that we often do not realize what power and strength lies within the love that we declare and live in every day.
This week was a very trying time for Adam and I. Possibly the most urgently pressing trial of our marriage yet. It taught me a lot: proving the strength that is held within the love I have for my husband and the…
Belief to break the cold, bare sod
Comes only from the hand of God
I am rather inclined to silence, and whether that be wise or not, it is at least more unusual nowadays to find a man who can hold his tongue than to find one who cannot.
– Abraham Lincoln
I think it’s kind of crazy how our society doesn’t homemake many things anymore. In fact, people in my generation are so used to buying something at the store that it’s hard to even imagine that you could make it yourself. The truth is, I’m finding out, it’s a lot easier to make these things than one would think, and there are generally only a few ingredients, you can pronounce all of them, they…
I had the sudden realization this morning that my family are cats.
Allow me to explain, I’ve been making a study of people who love cats vs. dogs and the reasons why, I’ve been noticing a pattern. When I ask dog people why they like dogs they reply, ‘Oh wow, well, dogs are so friendly and always happy to see you and they’ll follow you everywhere and you can really get involved with them’. The…
Fact: When I bake bread I get flour all over the kitchen. It’s usually not an issue because I just clean it up after, but there are those rare nights when I just can’t stand to clean the kitchen one more time, so I go to bed. In the morning, however, when I walk into the kitchen I think ''What in the world happened in here to get so much flour all over the kitchen?!'' Which is, ironically, the…
He had never cared for her so much, he had never recognized her value so thoroughly as at this moment when he lost her.
– The Four Feathers
Both men had the feeling that on this morning a volume in their book of life was ended, and since the volume had been a pleasant one to read, and they did not know whether its successors would sustain its promise, they were looking backwards through the leaves before they put it finally away.
– A. E. W. Mason, The Four Feathers
I fell asleep last night at 8 o’clock… 8! Because I could not stay awake any longer. I woke up again two hours later and decided to move from the couch to bed because, you know, it’s bedtime now. I then woke up again when Adam joined me, I fell back to sleep. I woke up again at 2:30a and stayed awake for about an hour listening to our upstairs neighbors partying hard above us, mostly because I was…
I got home from London and Ireland to find Free People and Anthropologie magazines in our mailbox, shot in London and Ireland. Coincidence?
Or am I living the life of an awesome magazine?
Words do not express thoughts very well. They always become a little different immediately after they are expressed, a little distorted, a little foolish.
– Hermann Hesse
I read a book in one day yesterday, and after having spent three months in my last book it seemed like I had become an exceptionally good reader overnight. It was one of those high-minded feelings like you get when you’re a kid and you’re watching the Olympics and you think, (because you probably have a rare and beautiful talent), ''Yeah, I''ll probably be in the Olympics someday'' but of course…
The most important thing in all human relationships is conversation, but people don’t talk anymore, they don’t sit down to talk and listen. They go to the theater, the cinema, watch television, listen to the radio, read books, but they almost never talk. If we want to change the world, we have to go back to a time when warriors would gather around a fire and tell stories.
– Paulo Coelho, The…
But the great fact was the land itself, which seemed to overwhelm the little beginnings of human society that struggled in its sombre wastes. It was from facing this vast hardness that the boy’s mouth had become so bitter; because he felt that men were too weak to make any mark here, that the land wanted to be left alone, to preserve its own fierce strength, its peculiar, savage kind of beauty…
And everybody says ‘You can’t, you can’t, you can’t. Don’t try.’
Still, everybody says that if they had the chance they’d fly like we do.
– The Weepies
O brothers, love is an instructress, but one must know how to acquire her, for she is acquired with effort, purchased dearly, by long labour and over a long season, for it is not simply for a casual moment that one must love, but for the whole of the appointed season. After all, anyone is capable of loving casually, even the doer of evil.
A very truly written sentence by Dostoevsky to the beautiful melodies of Klaus Badelt.
Brother, just now you said: ‘Is there in all the world a being that could forgive and have the right to forgive?’ Well, that Being does exist, and It can forgive everything, everyone, man and woman alike, and for everything, because It gave Its innocent blood for all things and all men. You have forgotten about It, but on It the edifice is founded, and this it is that people will exclaim to It…
Your opinion is always worth more than just 2 cents. But know that the only time you should give it is when it matters; and the only time your opinion matters is when someone asks for it.
And yet, before him stood, or so it seemed to the gaze, at any rate, a most ordinary and straightforward creature - a decent, charming woman, attractive, perhaps, but so similar to all the other attractive but ‘ordinary’ women!
– Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I have a wonderful dad who intimidates everyone with his muscles and wins them all over with his kind heart. He taught me how to work hard, serve people and abandon your life to God. He’s a good man. Love you, Dad.
Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.
When I think back on the past week I think 'My, what a time it has been'.
I really couldn’t put into words all that has transpired, for the sole reason that some of it is personal business; I say to myself 'Could the general public know this? Certainly they could… But should they?' When I realize the answer is a resounding 'No' I put up the privacy walls. Much like the walls of towels your friends…
You think I intended to propose to her? Not in the least, I intended simply to take my revenge for being such a fine fellow, and her not noticing it.
– Fyodor Dostoevsky
The horror of it is that beauty is not only a terrifying thing - it is also a mysterious one. In it the Devil struggles with God, and the field of battle is the hearts of men.
– Fyodor Dostoevsky
I am a house on a hill made of only brick and wood and stone.
I was carved out by a man’s hands, but now I stand alone.
My heart is cold and barren, no fire has burned for years.
I am separate and dark, the kind that haunts a child’s fears.
Do not try to wake me, I need unending rest.
Do not try to rouse me, trust me, living death is best.
Think of others in your quest, for I have grown too old.
Some of the best conversations that occur in our home are when Adam decides to sit down and tell me all about what he’s figuring out. The thing is, I have no idea what he’s talking about. The other thing is, he’s amazingly good at breaking things down til I feel like I might have a grasp of the general concepts surrounding these nerdy and ethereal topics, (i.e. unix, GUIs, operating systems…
For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
And do not return there without watering the earth
And making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;
So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.
– Isaiah 55:10 & 11
Love to my beautiful mama who helped teach me how to read, write, respect authority, have faith in God, make good, creamy gravy, submit to my husband and make the world around me more pretty. Love you.
My brothers are currently touring with a talented lady named Chelsea Moon. Here is one of their live music videos, filmed by the talented David Fiser. All such beautifully and amazingly talented folks.
Adam: You’re my little trophy wife.
Me: I’m older than you.
Adam: What’s a trophy wife?
Me: It’s when an older man marries a young and gorgeous woman that he uses to get him things.
Adam: You’re not my trophy wife. You’re my beautiful wife.
No silly notion of playing the hero—what have creatures like us to do with heroism who are not yet barely honest?
– George MacDonald
There are many perks to being married to a good man. Some of you may know of which I speak. I have been blessed in such a way and in so doing, have been able to learn many things from him which I may or may not have learned on my own (the may not does not matter, really, because God knew I could learn these things through Adam and saw fit to incorporate him).
One of these jewel lessons has been…
As a pearl is formed only when the oyster is agitated with sand, the most important moments in my life were born out of friction. The art comes from the awkward ache. The knot in my stomach usually teaches me more than comfort ever could.
– Jon Foreman
Many folk like to know beforehand what is to be set on the table; but those who have laboured to prepare the feast like to keep their secret; for wonder makes the words of praise louder.
How do I feel? Well, I don’t know how to say it. I feel, I feel — I feel like spring after winter, and sun on the leaves; and like trumpets and harps and all the songs I have ever heard!
– Samwise Gamgi
And people are often unable to do anything, imprisoned as they are in I don’t know what kind of terrible, terrible, oh such terrible cage. […] Do you know what makes the prison disappear? Every deep, genuine affection. Being friends, being brothers, loving, that is what opens the prison, with supreme power, by some magic force. Without these one stays dead. But whenever affection is revived…
Wedding Polaroids by Parker Fitzgerald.
Adam and me in Boston two autumns ago in all the strangest of looks.
It was recently brought to my attention after some wayward coffee grounds got on the floor and I got down to scrub up the spill that our linoleum is absolutely filthy. Unfortunately this covers about 1/3 of our flooring. Also very unfortunate is the fact that the way of the linoleum design makes it so that even though you’ve picked up a ridiculous amount of filth, it doesn’t look that much…
One of the greatest blessings since this change in my life is the opportunity for communion with others. I always knew I’d appreciate that if I ever had the chance to experience it, though now that it has come, I find that I’m a bit like a fish out of water in extended social situations (God is teaching me much).
Community dinners are the best. I’m not very into pancake dinners at the fire…
It was said to me that I would find friendship upon the way, secret and unlooked for. Certainly I looked for no such friendship as you have shown. To have found it turns evil to great good.
– J. R. R. Tolkien
Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.
I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.
– Abraham Lincoln
Me: Ew. Does that mean the room comes with a dog?
Adam: ‘This room is pets only, if you don’t have one, we will supply one for you.’ That would be like hell for you. You’d rather stay in a hostel infested with drunk teenagers than stay in a hotel that required dogs.
What a pity Bilbo did not stab the vile creature, when he had a chance!
Pity? It was Pity that stayed his hand. Pity, and Mercy: not to strike without need.
I do not feel any pity for Gollum. He deserves death.
Deserves death! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some die that deserve life. Can you give that to them? Then be not too eager to deal out death in the name of justice…
Photos taken by the awesome David Fiser.
Yesterday was rather eventful.
In the early morning Adam had to have his blood drawn for insurance, something which he dreaded vehemently, also something which nearly made him faint. The poor fellow had been sick for a week and then they make you starve for a full 4 hours beforehand which is a lot to ask of a guy like Adam, he nearly lost his bearings, yet he prevailed in the end.
Then we had to…
I’ve been a big fan of Kyle Steed's work for quite a while now, and a few weeks ago he joined Adam's team, which rocked my world. He's kicking butt on the design too. Look out world!
Today we’re hanging out together. No big deal.
I found this in my ‘Quotes’ folder I keep on my computer. It was from a few years ago, something I said to Adam when we were dating, a.k.a IMing.
Audra just trimmed Emmett’s hair. he looks exactly the same. And he just walked in here and looked in the mirror and was shuffling his wet locks around and said ‘I don’t know….it’s a nice haircut, but I just don’t think it’s really me…you know?’
When was the last time you did something you really loved?
You should chase that.
Sitting at the park thoroughly enjoying our 60˚ New Year's Eve
I keep waking up in the midst of the night and can’t go back to sleep. I naturally have a very active brain but it never bothers me so much as at night. I cannot make it stop. I have to drown it out with something mundane that I don’t care about and then I’ll fall to sleep. It might sound like I’m one of those genius people that is so productive of mind that I fight insomnia and lose and then I go…
The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.
– J. R. R. Tolkien
I think most creative people are so insecure that they want to think they know everything but they know deep in their hearts they’re just in deep trouble from the moment they get up in the morning.
Penelope is the daughter of some very good friends of ours. This is her party.
We opened our presents over the weekend because we’d certainly had a frightfully bothersome day and we figured what’s the point of cheer when you’d don’t need any cheering? And decided to put the holiday cheer to good use in cheering ourselves. We had a most beautiful evening with much glowing light and hot chamomile tea. We decided to write down all our favorite memories of the year and…
My heart’s right down in my toes, Mr. Pippin, but we aren’t etten yet, and there are some stout folk here with us. Whatever may be in store for old Gandalf, I’ll wager it isn’t a wolf’s belly.
– Samwise Gamgi
Here we are playing a little ditty at The Hub the other night.
Logan is Adam’s little brother. He is graduating from high school this spring and I got to take some senior photos of him a few weeks ago when we were up in Nebraska. He’s a handsome fellow. Here are a few shots.
I love quotes. I have a large collection of quotes that I started gathering when I was in high school reading literature. We had awesome literature books in school.
I search somewhat subconsciously for and think occasionally on things that I feel are foundations for living; things I want written on my walls, or less literally, at least on the walls of my mind, things I will think about daily and…
I sit beside the fire and think
Of all that I have seen,
Of meadow-flowers and butterflies
In summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer
In autumns that there were,
With morning mist and silver sun
And wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think
Of how the world will be
When winter comes without a spring
That I shall ever see.
For still there are so many things
That I have never seen:
In every wood in every spring
This morning we find ourselves in the flat and sunny state of Nebraska. We took the eight hour trip through many dark hours, two travelers accompanied by two full cups of tea lattes, of course, (I see no other way). I am completely fond of the stimulation of the mind that happens during drives not too long but long enough to produce stimulation rather than degradation. Yesterday I spent a good few…
Adam’s main talent is building websites. Also, on the side, he juggles.
This morning I am nonchalantly sipping a cup of Tazo Calm tea made for me by my cheery husband. It has local honey in it, which, if I may gush, is making everything lovely and sweet. It seems like an ideal winterish morning, though it’s much too warm to be considered winter in these parts.
Our lives have changed so much in the past few months, mainly due to a gathering of dear friends around us…
Forgive these wild and wandering cries,
Confusions of a wasted youth;
Forgive them where they fail in truth,
And in Thy wisdom make me wise.
– Lord Alfred Tennyson
Adam and I went on an unforeseen tea run last night to one of our local markets.
Thus, I’m currently sipping (and enjoying) a cup of Vanilla Almond. It does the body good.
But I think you are already in the meshes of the net! The Holy Spirit is after you. I doubt if you’ll get away!
– C. S. Lewis
A hallo to all on this fine and chilly morning, though I say ‘chilly’ I don’t mean it like I would’ve meant it yesterday when it was downright chilly. This morning it is simply chilly, in a nice way, in a way that makes you think ‘Perhaps this winter thing will be a pleasant thing, yes, perhaps we will bear it just fine’.
I am typing to you, O cyberspace world, on my iPhone. Through a series of…
To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
– Rainer Maria Rilke
If everything is lost, thanks be to God
If I must see it go, watch it go,
Watch it fade away, die
Thanks be to God that He is all I have
Nothing at all, only a farewell to the wind
Farewell to the grey sky
Goodbye, God be with you evening October sky.
If all is lost, thanks be to God,
For He is He, and I, I am only I.
My mind is full of music and memories this morning; so many memories of music and music of memories in there. Sometimes it seems like there’s a whole other world inside my mind and I could spend hours, or possibly days, simply remembering.
I have several songs I wrote but never recorded and it’s always been on my list of things to do to complete that. There are probably only a handful of people…
Cry to the night
To the gaslight
After the rain
What shall I cry?
I leave you with your pain
The Lord be with you
And in your hour, again
Tread in this cobble lane
And rain His faith within you.
After dinner I was thinking of reading to you for an hour or two.
– Mr. Collins
The most unwanted phrase to hear a guest or host say during a meal. I know this from personal experience.
When we first fell in love in the dead of winter, we said, ‘If we aren’t more in love in lilactime, we shall be finished’. But we were more in love: for love must grow or die.
– Sheldon Vanauken, A Severe Mercy
I smacked at a bug on the windshield last night and bruised my hand royally with my inner aggressive stupidity.
Gotta remember to say no to that.
He had been wont to despise emotions: girls were emotional, girls were weak, emotions—tears—were weakness. But this morning he was thinking that being a great brain in a tower, nothing but a brain, wouldn’t be much fun. No excitement, no dog to love, no joy in the blue sky—no feelings at all. But feelings—feelings are emotions! He was suddenly overwhelmed by the revelation that what makes life…
Chelsea: That’s what it looks like when you do coding?! Don’t you get bored?
Adam: I don’t really get bored. I get confused sometimes.
Oh, for awesomeness.
A couple of days ago I was making these awesome pizzas that are awesome. They require a bit of maneuvering after you get them in the oven so they’re a little tricky and the oven is up to 500˚ which always makes me nervous. Basically it’s just all hot and tricky up in there. Well, normally I would have Adam do this part because he’s not of such a nervous nature as I am about dangerous things but he…
Ben: Do your prices vary depending on which floor it’s on?
Apartment Manager: No. We practice fair housing here.
Adam informed me this morning that he can brush my hair with his chin bristles.
We’re back from spending almost the entirety of September traveling. We have seen so many dear people who are normally so far we had to make them near. I feel warm inside (although my feet are chilly) and officially ready to settle in for fall. Although, we’re in the midst of the hustle and bustle of my sister’s wedding, so maybe in a couple of weeks we can do some settling.
It’s so lovely to be…
Son of man, What is the vine tree more than any tree, or than a branch which is among the trees of the forest?
These words are for the humbling of God’s people; they are called God’s vine, but what are they by nature more than others? They, by God’s goodness, have become fruitful, having been planted in a good soil; the Lord hath trained them upon the walls of the sanctuary, and they…
Most asked post-marriage question is:
'So what do you do now?'
(You can never be busy enough for the general public. It’s what validates us in this world, and it’s our way of feeling important. I’m not particularly fond of this general feeling.)
Well, I’m a painter. Little did the world know. Of course I’m an amateur! But who really cares about that sort of thing these days?
I’ve been painting a lot recently because I’m selling some of my paintings at the Barn Festival in Hastings, Nebraska this month. The owners are such dear friends of mine, and happen to be the medium through which my existence became known to Adam Jahnke, so that’s pretty important. When we Franz…
Me: Why are you laughing?
Adam: It's just so funny.
Me: What is?
Adam: There are so many things to load on the page. So much stuff loading.
Me: Yeah, totally.
I do think.
I was thinking earlier how frustrating it is that no one quite gets your dreams like you do. The problem herein lies within the content of the dreams themselves! Dreams are really quite silly in the waken world, and it’s the emotion within them which impacts us so greatly. Humans really have a great capacity for emotions. I often wonder if we could wake up from our circumstances like…
People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must hold to what is difficult; everything alive holds to it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself in its own way and is characteristically and spontaneously itself, seeks at all costs to be so and against all opposition. We know little…
Works of art are of an infinite loneliness and with nothing so little to be reached as with criticism. Only love can grasp and hold and be just toward them.
– Rainer Maria Rilke
It ought to be illegal for an artist to marry. If that artist must marry let him find someone more interested in art, or his art, or the artist part of him, than in him. After which let them take tea together three times a week.
– Ezra Pound
I’ve learned through a series of unfortunate misunderstandings this week that once you reach this stage in life you really should never, under any circumstances, no matter who you’re with, or where you are, or what time of day it is; never… no matter who you’re with, or what the circumstance is, ever mention the word ‘pregnant’.
I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us — don’t tell!
They’d banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
– Emily Dickinson
Stop barging in here and infecting me with your anxiety.
– Peggy Olson
There was an unfortunate incident in the kitchen last week involving our French Press, a fall, broken glass, and a distraught husband. Coffee is a pretty enjoyable part of our day and not having a means to make coffee was pretty sad for both of us, although I think it cuts to the core of Adam a bit more than me, so you can only imagine how hard last week was for him.
It was fine though because we…
Last week I was wearing a dress and we were out to lunch with friends. It was a particularly sunny day and when we went to get back into the car my legs were quite concerned by the temperature of the leather against my skin. Adam was kind enough to grab a sweatshirt out of the trunk and lay it over my seat. Later, while driving home I asked Adam ‘Do you remember how sometimes it’s summer and we’re…
It’s a lovely day. My current favorite. Cloudy, thundery, and a peachy 74˚. Thank you August. Who knew August could be so accommodating?
Adam got me a cold glass-bottled root beer (the only way I’ll drink it) from the fridge for dessert and now I’m settled down on the couch at my favorite place, which is directly in the middle of the couch. Yes, on the crack. I don’t know why but I always sit…
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
– Emily Dickinson
Let us be convinced of the fact that we will never be anything but beginners, all our lives.
Adam and I have one pair of matching shirts. They’re from his former company (and good friends) Elevate. Last night he came out after his shower and his shirt was really small and he said ‘It really shrunk in the wash’, to which I laughed. It was way too short aaaand tight. He wore it all evening anyway.
This morning I looked at it and it was the small, (it may or may not go without saying that…
I often have the habit of sitting at my computer with a coffee in one hand, painstakingly attempting a fluid one-handed typing progress. It’s a mistake. It’s just… that coffee is so good, you know? I feel like I might be betraying it if I set it down, and it knows how good it is. It really stinks when you really think you’re probably awesome at something and no one cares. And I know this, so I…
It is the lovely creatures God has made all around us, in them giving us Himself, that, until we know Him, save us from the frenzy of aloneness—for that aloneness is self.
– George MacDonald
Last night as I was falling asleep I was thinking to myself about how fast our brains can think. Has it ever happened to you that you were in a conversation and paused to think and then the next sentence that came out was so far away from the last thing you said to each other that it was pretty untraceable for the other person? Then, as one can often do, and as I often did as a child, you can…
This past weekend was awesome. My sister, Audra, and her fiancé, Ben, came down to the Ozarks for her birthday weekend. We all crashed at Mom & Dad’s for a couple of nights. It was pretty crazy to be back at the homestead, to sleep in my old bedroom. It’s all so much the same and yet so different. Ben mentioned it feels strange to be back and to be different.
We’ve recently gone through a huge…
I’ve sat down now with a thick cup of last night’s English Breakfast tea. Adam knows that tea gets too bitter when it sits that long, and he’s told me that, but I just really believed in this glass and warmed it up. It’s thick. However, I still want it. I’ve always been thick too, and no one ever threw me out.
Which brings me to my next point.
I’ve always wanted to be a runner. I’m not a natural…
I know nothing which can so comfort the soul; so calm the swelling billows of sorrow and grief; so speak peace to the winds of trial, as a devout musing upon the subject of the Godhead.
– J. I. Packer
It is really dark today. It’s 9 o’clock and looks like just before dusk. (Or is dusk the time that I’m thinking is just before dusk?) Mornings like this remind me so much of my childhood. When I was a kid my family worked at a theme park in Branson. We sang anywhere from 4-7 sets a day, 5 days a week. We would get to work at probably 8 am or something, I was a kid, so times weren’t very important…
Adam and I got home last night from a nomadic journey westward where we participated in too many hours sitting in a car, too many coffee stops in one day, and too many hours running after a frisbee. However, apart from that we had a really awesome time with some amazing people of our acquaintance. God has blessed us a vast deal with people who have great character, ambition and stories to surround…
It seems that the adjective ‘interesting’ is following us to our beds at night, grabbing the covers and climbing right in, because we cannot have normal nights anymore! It leaves us laughing and yawning during our morning coffee and, you know, perhaps leads towards some blog posts. I don’t know, maybe like this one. Yes! another weird night post!
The night before last a bunch of rambunctious kids-I say ‘kids’, but they’re probably my age, I just grew up really fast- decided to set off fireworks literally right behind our apartment building. Some of the flares came dropping by in front of our windows. All the popping woke me up at about midnight and I leaned over to say something about it to Adam and this time…
I love making playlists. Well, firstly, I love making things for people, so making something for someone that includes some of my very favorite things, music, lyrics, rhythms and stories, it’s a recipe for pure enjoyment and excitement. I made Adam a lot of playlists while we were friends/dating/engaged. He lived 500 miles away from my home and I was generally 1,000 miles away from there, so I had…
I love to take pictures and since I recently have acquired an iPhone, I take a bunch of Instagram’s. It’s like polaroids (which I love) but so much cheaper. So much cheaper it’s free. This is our life lately in Instagram.
I’ve picked up painting again.
We went to the park and played frisbee (we do that a lot lately) and our dear, dear friend Christine threw the frisbee into the poison ivy laden…
I’m the youngest of five children. Three of my siblings are brothers, Emmett is my youngest brother, the closest sibling to me in age. When we were kids we couldn’t stand each other.
Now Emmett’s one of my best friends. One time when we were still young he got in a terrible sledding accident and broke a lot of his bones and it changed a lot of things for us. Almost dying just kind of does that to…
I have a really cool dad. I’m serious! His name is Randy. He grew up on a farm, and somehow grew us up on the stage. It’s crazy how God moves through our lives and makes something so surprising and interesting out of us. My dad is really strong. He’s taught us a lot about life, including but not limited to the following: how to work your tail off, how to be kind always, how you can throw yourself…
Monday. A new week’s all laid out before us.
Adventure’s out there!
And it already found us. I set off the smoke alarm during breakfast this morning. Nothing that bad had even happened! Suddenly I was just alarming everyone and Adam was rushing around pushing buttons. I bet our neighbors were mad. They’re probably always mad at me. I play soundtracks too loud and I dry our clothes at 10 o’clock at…
'Love is Sweet.'
I set up an Etsy store this week, and this morning I put up a couple of my paintings for sale. This is The Traveling Lady.
Lately I’ve been having long talks with Adam. Weekends are good for that! I’ve never had restful weekends, and I’m growing to really enjoy them.
I’m beginning to feel like the artful inside of me has been bundled up inside for a while now, I’m not regretful in saying that, I think that, for the bundled things, it’s sad, but I truly believe God is intent on growing every part of us and sometimes…
Today it really feels like summer in my heart. You know that feeling when the colors just start to flow again and you’re warm and inspired inside? This is how I feel.
(Much thanks to the world of art and Klaus Badelt’s ‘Small World’, no doubt.)
It has been quite some time since I’ve blogged.
Wedding festivities have come and gone and we are settling into a life of normalcy for the first time in my life, although, as the beloved story of ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ reminds us: ‘What is normal?’
Also, ‘What are cows?’, but that’s a little less applicable in this context.
Our wedding was awesome. It kicked butt. We had so much…
Adam and I in 70 years.
Today while going through the last of my things I found a CD of old pictures of my mom’s family that she nabbed from my grandma and scanned a few years ago. I love old photos. Here are a few.
This is my Grandma Deloris. I love her dress!
This is the old farm house. It burned down when I was a kid.
These are my great-grandparents. I can’t remember their first names. They owned a store in Nebraska.
Today Adam and I went on our last date as an engaged couple. We went to a little Italian restaurant in Eureka Springs called “Ermilio’s”, it’s our favorite restaurant and was also where we went on our first date a couple of years ago. We were so excited and nervous then, even though we were best friends already and knew each other so well. It was both of our first dates. Pretty stinkin’ awesome…
Today is everything I imagine an April day to be. Uncertain. Trying the warm weather on for size. Spring is such a wondrous time of year. Every day I examine the trees, hoping to see some leaves sprouting out, and they do! That’s what’s so cool! Green, from nothing. God makes beautiful things out of the dust, as Michael Gungor reminds us… whenever we listen to that song. I was thinking yesterday…
I love lists.
I love lists because it’s very satisfying to put that nifty little check next to the task and the feeling of completion is really worth the time put into writing out the list.
I just got back from a tour to California. We were gone a week and a half and we got back just over 3 weeks before the wedding and the whole time I was gone my mind was being flooded with things that I needed…
Tonight my sister Audra and I were sitting in our room and we heard this loud bang coming from the back deck. Our room is on the second story and has a balcony coming out from it which is above the deck below, and it was absolutely coming from there. I had my foot resting against the wall and I felt it shake. It’s all dark out and it’s normally pretty quiet out here, we live in the middle of…
The other day my family and I were on tour we were eating at a McAlister’s Deli and we’d been driving all day so we just sat there and weren’t saying anything to each other. Meanwhile there was a group of middle-aged women; big, hefty, middle-aged women, discussing a book they were going to write, and whether their characters should sleep together or not.
I’ve been wondering lately if I’m getting old. I can’t sleep long enough anymore. Some nights I haven’t slept really at all. I was talking to a friend of mine a couple of months ago and she was telling me how she has insomnia because she can’t turn off her brain, and I said ‘I don’t have that problem, I sleep.’ And I have thought of that several times recently because almost ever since that…
Just a little surprise.. that blew my mind.
This came in the mail for me today.
I’m beside myself.
Tonight I was enjoying a supper of shrimp when a man came up to our table and put his hand on my shoulder and said ‘Excuse me, but I was just talking with my nephew and we think you have the most infectious smile’. He had apparently been at our concert tonight. It was a lovely comment, and it made me smile, which of course made him smile.
I’m in Florida now. It is living up to it’s sunshiny reputation, thus far.
I’m in my motel room, still 15 minutes till go-time and I am so hungry. So I am sucking jello out of a container, because I have no utensils. It’s harder than it sounds. Actually it sounds pretty tricky.. it may be equal.
We are, not metaphorically but in very truth, a Divine work of art, something that God is making, and therefore something with which He will not be satisfied until it has a certain character. Here again we come up against what I have called the ‘intolerable compliment’. Over a sketch made idly to amuse a child, an artist may not take much trouble: he may be content to let it go even though it is…
Today we were in a Florida prison playing music for them. I had never been in a Florida prison before but apparently you need a little contraption that looks like a garage door opener attached to your belt loop with a button on it that you can push in case of emergency so that guards can come running at you full speed and save you. Unfortunately this made us all even more uneasy than we were…
Hello individual, whoever you may be.
This is my first blog post and I’m very excited about it. Adam, my fiancé, got this site set up for us and I hope it will be home for us for quite some time.
I am currently on tour in Alabama with my band, The Franz Family, who also happens to be my family. A real shocker, I know, considering the name. We’re doing a four-day prison crusade with an organization…