Cats and Dogs

I had the sudden realization this morning that my family are cats.

Allow me to explain, I’ve been making a study of people who love cats vs. dogs and the reasons why, I’ve been noticing a pattern. When I ask dog people why they like dogs they reply, ‘Oh wow, well, dogs are so friendly and always happy to see you and they’ll follow you everywhere and you can really get involved with them’. The reason they don’t like cats is pretty much the flip side of that, cats are too independent and always seem to be up to their own agenda.

The funny thing is: the reasons people don’t like dogs and do like cats are for the exact same reasons! I am not a huge pet person. I actually do love cats, but I don’t say that normally because there are people who love cats, and I’m not one of those people. But I definitely do not like dogs, and my reasons for not liking them are the exact same reason people do like dogs. We’re just looking for different characteristics in beings.

Look at it this way, how would you feel if you were meeting a human for the first time and they came up and gave you a huge hug and they smelled bad and they held on for a real long time, and then they started caressing your arm like no one should do when they first meet you and then they say something like ‘Oh hey! Oh my gosh! Look at you! You’re a person! I’m so excited to find out what you like to do, I like to play sports! Wow, you smell.. You smell like, huh, just like a normal person, I guess! Are you in heat? Holy smokes! Here you are! I don’t like your hair, you should do it different, but that’s ok, we’ll just go hang out in the woods together and you might need to clean up my poop because I don’t have very good manners, and, oh my word, did you see the birds today?!’ and they say all of this in two seconds and you’re still trying to get your coat off while standing in the doorway. And everyone else is saying ‘Oh, come on, calm down. He just gets excited around people, that’s why he’s caressing you and smelling you and violating your rights as a human, don’t mind him’.

Verses meeting someone and they look at you and say ‘Huh, it’s nice to meet you, I’m not gonna make a big deal about anything. I was kind of busy composing some music in my studio in the garage. You can watch if you want’, and then you just hang out together and sometimes you talk, but you don’t have to, you just exist together and sometimes they come over and walk in and out of your ankles in a weird way.

Doesn’t that sound so much better?!

To half of you, it probably doesn’t, but to me it does. Because, my family are cats! We don’t necessarily need to talk, please don’t call, because we don’t want to talk. It doesn’t mean we don’t like you, it just means we’re doing something cool over here in the corner. And it’s not like it’s a secret, though, it probably looks like that because I’m trying to hide it, but it’s not.

Yeah, and that’s why dog people don’t get us.